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View Profile NyanaCreation
Welcome to my little corner of the internet, you can call me Nyana and i am a tomboy or how i call it nonbinary. you will mostly find story's and handmade drawings of mine. i try to stay positive and bright up people's day. i hope you enjoy my content ^_^

n/a

somewhere in space <3

Joined on 10/7/15

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Where have i been?

Posted by NyanaCreation - 1 month ago


Hey Guy’s

So before I get into how I have been I want to thank you all so much. I reached over a 100 fans and that is insane. I have been working on my stuff for not even to long and everyone is willing to follow me. when I started out I never thought I would even be worth watching and people would just skip over me but I guess I was wrong ^^ some of you I have talked to and are awesome to have around as support and even if I don’t see a lot of comments (what I would like because I want to hear what you guy’s think ) I am so greatfull for you bringing me this far. Without your help I couldn’t have done it thank all of you so much and I’ll be looking forward to making more content for you all ^^  (btw under that will be how I have been so also planning to make something special for you all for the above 100 fans but have to see when to do that)

How I am:

So as some of you might know I have been away for a while. Not only from reacting to people but also on my posting. The last months has been kinda disaster for me and that has been mentally really draining. It is insane how much energy I had to spend on college as well as all the problems around that and other problems. As well as yesterday something horrible happened and I got really suiscidle thoughts. That hasn’t happened in a while since I got a good support but that guy hurt me in worst possible way I can imagen that he could do and then him changing his mind.

If something is fucked up then it are my feelings right now. I am really looking forward to getting my week free next week. I want to recharge my battery and be mentally okay again. I honestly don’t really know what to do beside just do nothing that week. I don’t want to see my friends (I did that last week) or go anywhere where people are. People have been getting on my nerves, they have been leading me to roads that just end as well as the thing of yesterday that completely broke me down.

I won’t get into details with it and I don’t want anybody to act on it unless I say it is okay but this guy I care about so much about broke my heart. He said some stuff and that meant basically that he broke our bond that we had toghter. He basically kicked me down the steps (not litterly btw) but still. He is someone I care about so much and he just did  that what got me into such a suiscidle mood. I thought I was better off dead then anything else. The pressure and how people have been fucking me over the last month got to much for me and he was my only hold on to reality to say it that way.

Before he got home again (because he had to leave to catch the bus to get home) I was so devisated and I called a good friend of mine. I know him for 2 years now and a lot longer than the other guy and I wanted someone to talk to. We don’t talk often on call but I just needed someone there. I wanted to write a post but I didn’t think that was a good idea because I felt worthless and I am but even more then. Someone I cared about suddenly cared less about me. so I called one of my best friends (the guy I know for 2 years now) and we talked. I read him some messages of the conversation and we  talked a bit and then we just started to joke around and it made me happy. Atleast happier than I was before what was not happy at all.

So the other guy that broke my heart came home after an hour went to eat and then we talked for a bit. I just ended the call with my best friend and we started talking. He send me a message before hand but I wanted to end the call with my best friend first (I wanted to like grab him into the call with us but he didn’t react because he was eating and it was getting late for me) I read his message after he was done eating and  he said he regreted what he did and he wanted me back.

I called him and asked him what was going on and why he said it in the first place. He doesn’t know and I still don’t know either. It is just one huge mystery what sucks. He said it wasn’t my fault but I told him I felt that way. He wanted me to hate him but of course I didn’t. I hated more myself than anyone else. I didn’t think I deserved anything anymore and that I only excist to be tortuterd and it is kinda true I guess. Not like being tortured but I haven’t had like something spectacular good happening in my life its mostly just bad things with okay days inbetween.

Anyway he said it was a mistake and I forgave him with the sentence ‘’I will forgive you but I won’t forget and you will have  to work your ass off to earn the trust back that you lost’’ I am not sure if that was the right sentence but still. I talked in college to some classmates about it and one I talk to a lot said it is better for me to break it off and that I am way to good for him. I don’t agree with that but I know I will keep it in mind that I don’t let him off to easy. What he did to me that night was horrible and should never have happened. We could have talked about how he felt about the whole situation.

I asked him if it was because he felt pitty for me and he said no. I am not interly sure if that is true and he really missed me or not but he will have to prove that. That he really cares and not just as a {insert word here} (not going to tell you what he called me not something bad at all but it still down grades me on a friendship/relationship kinda way.

How I feel right now is confused. I am not even sure if that is a feeling to be honest but I don’t know what to do. I took him back of course because he made a mistake but I am scared he will do it again. He felt like that for 2 weeks and didn’t tell me a thing what fucking sucks. He was scared of how I react and I know it can be depressed but I hoped he trusted me enough.

I don’t feel like it is hopeless though. I think it can get better over time but he will have to work for it. I am not sure if he still cares for me the same way he did before or that he just does it out of pity and to be honest I don’t know even what he thinks of me. this has never happened to me and I don’t know what direction I am going in. I just hope it will turn out the right way and everything will be back to old times. I also hope he can trust me next time and talks to me about things like this. I just wish we had more time toghter to talk about it but we don’t. he is mostly away so I am here alone most of the time. anyway idk what to say more than that. Life has been a dick to me the last month or more and I am getting kinda sick of it but atleast I have a free week next week so that’s good. Anyway that’s a bit that has been going on for me. sorry for the long message.

Anyway have a wonderfull day and I hope you all are having better week then me.

~N

Also here is some music I have been lissening to:

Whethan - Be Like You (feat. Broods)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6ebSfXxW1Q

Arrested Youth – Mirrors
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgZowkPGep8
 

Cadmium - Be With You (feat. Grant Dawson)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wHc50Tq2wg

Unlike Pluto - Closure (Year 09)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybgrYmgfEKw

◤Nightcore◢ ↬ Genius [Switching Vocals]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKKaw9gmI6E

Slenderbodies - Take You Home
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB8nYWzrawk

Nightcore ↬ Got That Fire [lyrics]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYPxIP7UB4

♪ Nightcore: do u even miss me at all?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvR-GwuS7Bk

「Nightcore」→ What's Love (Lyrics)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK9SAt-Hqtw

REOL - Endless EP [Last EP before their Disbandment]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLaOGQEZV1A

(and of course can’t forget my awesome fans ^^:
@AdventVoice               @AliceInCampFe @Andrew-Schafer @3AceNG             @Atp505 @Banana-head @Carlos01 @CensorDodge               @CocoVersi @CoolNinjaTMNTfan @Croude @DaneeWive @DawnTheNightmaren @Dj-Compact @Doodlyartz @Dray2018 @firedagger01 @Gamedestroy @GDZaphkielVex @HazzaTimmy                @IamDCMarque @Jabicho @JamesHatfeld @JohnEarthBreathGames @Joshuaoriade @KinoThe3rd @LordMoldemort @MassGas @MomoHibiki @Mr-Insanity97 @Natcl23            @passworld @Quisty @Realms22 @Rickard-spelar @rsonbie456 @S-Rollins           @shiro66699 @Skiddle @Spiderberry @SpookiiAito @StaticSkull @SuperPCGamer @Tadiel @TheDanceFloor    

@TheInnerScience @TheVenturer @TodukenMusic @TunisianMapping @Voltage @ADisonBareMore @Alexwilsoncomposer @Amadeion @Ante45 @AUTAKU @botnot435 @cat911 @Cholos @connorhandke @crazygamer2003 @CryNN @DarkDruid5 @Distroyer120 @dmarubloodtooth @drake-rex @EMBL3M @G4CEsz-Official @Gareque @GobSmacked @HLULANI @Icy-DaYo @Jake87Game @JMations98 @Joifish @JustAPunnyGuy @kungfuspacebarbarian

@M4dMonst3r @Mochipet @Moondesire @mrbadazz @PancakePocket @PlayKncino             @RavenGMD @RevolverKakyoin @Roseyeong @RydiaLockheart @SaghaleyLewis @Sketchii @SmashMellowz @SpitfireNation @ss4GOKU890 @stewardhklarlover @T3xno @TAJones20 @TheDyingSun      

@thesupermecha637 @ThiefOfVoid @TriForge443 @Unicorns223 @WiLD11 @Wondermeow              

@zwm @Zophar

 

(thank you so much for reading and support I hope to see you all in the future)

~N


7

Comments (16)

:^)

Oh..wow...
So much strange things happened.
I'm glad to see you there.

not sure if the strange thing includes me but i am glad to be here.

I am glad to have been able to stick with you through these hard times. I really hope that your situation improves! I wish you the best of luck! <3

thanks for that and lets hope it gets better. i really hope so. it's not going to well but i'll see if i will survive. but thanks.

If you cannot make out guilt in his words, he either doesn't know what hurting a girl means, or he doesn't care. But believe me, when they really care, boys will do anything to gain thd trust back. Saying stuff like you did will amplify this situation to a certain extent too.

i hope i am worth gaining trust from then :/ i am not interly sure what he thinks of the whole thing and we haven't been able to talk about it. anyway thanks for the trusting words. (also thanks for reading the whole thing it was quite alot) anyway i hope everything will turn out okay in the end.

Wow,a hundred fans,that is so cool! I hope things work out between you and him,and that even if it doesn't,you stay strong and don't let that break you,no matter how bad it hurts. Sincerely hope things go well for you though.

yah it's insane never thought it would happen ^^ and i hope it works out as well but it hasn't been fixed yet so i'll see what happends. i'll try to be strong but can't promise that i will be through the whole thing but i'll do my best to fix it.

yeet
Nice to see you back.
Stick to your guns, and see the sunset...
(Me being stupidly philosophical... XD)
Thanks for the mention m8! ;3

it's fine if your philosophical you can say whatever you think is best. but thanks i'll try to do my best. its harder then it seems though but thanks.

Oh, what a tragedy... my dear Nyana... I know how painful this is for you (though it could be more painful). I hope you get the answers you look for, and can rest a bit easier when this mystery and uncertainty is over with.

Something similar happened to me, once. The following confusion was hard to bear, not easy to distract myself from. I hope you are more successful! (plushy-hug)

Know that you can contact me if you want ^_^

i do my best to be as productive as possible. writing has always helped so that will probebly be my way to feel better (so @TheEihghtHour could expect some scripts :p) but yah i am doing the best i can. and your support with others has helped alot.

That’s terrible to read and I hope both of you will get back together.Stay strong!

we did but we haven't been able to properly talk about it with him what bugs me alot because i need to talk things out otherwise i can be stuck with it for months. but i will try to do my best to get everything okay again.

@MchectorII @NyanaCreation I hope both of you will be able to find the time to discuss and move on.

You really have been through alot lately. At least you'll have some time to relax next week.

I don't know what that guy did or said to you, but please be careful. If he still acts like that, is better to just be apart. Toxic relationships can be way too hurtful. I speak from experience

Also, never think like you're not worth love or that you don't deserve to be happy. No matter how life treats you or how bad things may seem. You deserve love and you deserve happiness and no one has the right to act like you don't *hugs*

Unfortunally that is my life, one moment it is okay and the moment that it goes wrong my whole life goes to shit. usually that goes on for a couple months i have a break and then the cycle starts over again. anyway yah time to relax.

i won't go into details about what he said but i know i have to keep that in mind. i talked to him about it yesterday a bit and said he had to talk to me about it if he ever had doubts again just to prefent mistakes again and i told him he had to work to get me back fully again but he is not a bad guy but thanks for the advice and warning.

and to be honest i don't think i deserve it. never believed it when i was youngher and that hasn't changed. if your life fucks you over so many times you kinda stop believing in it. like when it happends its great and i like charich it with all my heart but still. like people say i deserve it but i am not so sure if i do to be honest it's not like i am a good person i guess. i might be idk i just do what feels right anyway. i'll see what life brings but right now thats a whole bag of shit but thanks for the support Drake your always very nice when your able to comment. would love to see you more around *hugs back*

Bad expirience is still usefull expirience. I guess now you can escape from this situation without hard feelings. Stay strong, lady and keep moove forward. New horisons awaits for you!

Bad experience aren't fun though even if they are also something you can learn from. but luckly it has been talked out and he is trying to fix it. but he is trying his best and i am doig my thing and feeling a whole lot better but thanks for the support.

Dear nyana, first of all, congrats on reaching 100 fans! :D you're an amazing artist and person, so you'll get a lot more :D

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with the guy you were with, and always remember that you decide when to stop or when to trust, it's always hard for others to tell since they didnt live the same things as you did as a couple, so always trust yourself in your decisions :)

If you gave him a second chance, hope he can keep up to it, and as you said, it won't be easy to recover your trust but I really hope he can do it, since you deserve always the best :)

Congratulations on the 100 fans! I should be your 105th if my counting isn't totally off. Sorry to hear you've had a less than great time lately, but keep your head up - Having shitty experiences is a part of life and a part of growing up. You'll ultimately come out of the other end of it as a better and stronger person with a greater worldview. Do some drawing, hang out with some other friends, just try not to focus too heavily on the negatives.

Hope things get better soon,
C

i get that it gets better but if you know my life in detail it happends way to much but yah atleast there are a couple good sides. i am a bit better now not all the way but i am taking my time to recover from everything mentally and from everything that has happend but thanks ^^ i really appreaciate you commenting. thank you ^^ (also thanks for following your i think indeed the 105th person so i guess welcome i hope you enjoy what i make in the future ^^ )

Y'know, it's been a really long time since I've actually said anything to you, but here I am now. First off, I just wanted to say congratulations on 100 fans! You really deserve every single one of us supporting you.

Seems repetitive enough, but just like some others have said, your bad experiences is just life playing itself out. What ever bad happens should come something good after, so don't worry if you think you're just gonna be in some shithole for the longest time. Also whatever you can learn from your bad experience, you should really do so. The wonders of learning from an experience can really save you a lot of time and trouble here and there.

Your sketches are getting better by the day, I can see lots of improvement and a lot more potential, so keep up the good work, it'll definitely pay off :)

If there are some other problems at the moment that are going on, I hope they get better and everything get's better in the end.

Have a nice day,
JustAPunnyGuy

it's fine if you don't react always i know your are one of the first people who have been supporting me. but thanks ^^ i am glad people think i am worth following.

life goes on i know and i try to learn from it but my life hasn't been fun from the beginning and sometimes your just tired of it. i am doing better now and some problems have been lifted and i am feeling better although nightmares have returned (again) but further it is better.

i have been going to an Game artist study so i have alot more sketeches but haven't posted them yet. i have been more busy with audio's and writing and seeing but thanks in believing in me that means alot ^^

Excuse me, when will you type the n/a? If you dont type that thing, then whats your gender, and how old are you? -.-

i had an gender before but i removed that as well as i don't identify as either male or female. you might not understand but that's for me as well as i won't tell my age. age and where your from as well as gender forms an image about me, who i am and more even before people get to know you. i find it more important that people get to know me instead of how old i am or what gender i am.

i also kinda wonder why your asking this because i honestly don't think it's important at all.

Ayy... :)

Hi??