Hey Guy’s
So to make clear I am feeling so much better. I have been having the best few days in months and I have been enjoying myself more. I started dancing more, and I am starting drawing again slowly after a month of being stuck. So for feeling better I wanted to tell you that the post I made before this wasn’t feeling down. I felt okay but I wanted to share my experience but even after that I had a couple downs but I came back up. I took a break for a couple days from friends so calm down from my overwhelming situation (a good situation btw) but it got a bit much but right now I have been feeling really well especially after I heard I was allowed into my next school where I am going to study to become a game artist what I am so excited about. It was such a stressful ride with that because I had no second options as well as this was the only thing I was interested in as well as I was on a waiting list. It was terrible to hear from people around me that I was dumb to not have a second option and that I wouldn’t make it in. it sucked to hear that and only a few stood by my side and believed I had a big chance of getting in anyway and I did. And that feeling is awesome ^^

So for the acetoin I will tell you all a bit about myself. I looked up some questions that I will be answering for you so you will get to know me. of course I will keep some things private like my past, where I am from, what my age is as well as some other things. I am not comfortable with stuff like that and mabey in the next questions I will explain why ^^ anyway I hope you enjoy reading this little getting to know me part ^^

- If you had a chance for a “do-over” in life, what would you do differently?

to be honest I wouldn’t do any big ‘’do-overs’’ because I want things to stay the same even though I have been through some stuff I absolutely hate. It makes me the person who I am today but if I had to choose a ‘’do-over’’ it would be simple. I would change some things I said to others. Like with my ‘’newest friend’’ what I was upset about I should have let the situation go and never confronted him about leaving me hang for more than half an hour (long story short: we where talking for 45 minutes and his phone desided to die. I was okay with that but his gf called and he started to talk to her without saying a thing to me. I had to pry it out of him and he wanted to tell me ‘’later’’ and made the excuse he couldn’t say to his gf he was talking to me. unfortunally this lead to a minor argument and he has been ignoring me for more than a month while I am trying to contact me. if you want to know more there is a post somewhere where I explain the whole story) anyway I shouldn’t have said anything because mabey we would have talked. As well as I should have handeld it differently with some others what I regret but that is all.

-What do you feel most proud of?

I am not sure about this one. I think I am proud of making it this far. When I was youngher I was sure I wouldn’t make it another year but I survived years. So I think I am proud of surviving and being able to make friends and cheer people up ^^

-If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?

I think the first place I would go to is to Norway to be honest.  A really good friend of mine ( @JamesHatfeld ) lives there and I would love to visit him for once. He visited me before but I have never been to him before so I think when I am ready I will go there first and then to japan with a friend (not sure who) to explore there culture, and mabey next to south-korea. I would love to go to those places and why? I don’t know. I am a curious person I guess ^^

-How do you spend your free time?

Mostly like everyone else. I wake up in the morning make myself ready and eat breakfast as well as just doing my hobbies. I draw, write stories and poems, I cosplay or make cosplays or I watch tv, or hang out with my best friends. Nothing special :p and I play or watch games of course. I love action, sci-fi, fantasy and horrors games. I like a lot of games to be honest ^^ (latest game I played was the witcher 3. Really good game I think)

-If you won the lottery, what would you do?

That would be rare but I think I would save It and for now use it for my study supplies and study itself. That costs money but I would also save a part for when I need it in the future.

 

-Who do you most admire in life?

I think my dad. He has been through a shit storm as well and took care of me for my whole life and I love him with all my heart. He is one of my best friends and he lets me do my thing while giving advice. I really appreciate that. But when he has to be stern he will be but we always solve the problem together. We are a great team together.

-What are you most afraid of?

I am not afraid of a lot. The only thing I am afraid of is that I will end up alone. Of course I want to be alone sometimes but I also want to have friends and people around me who care about me and are willing to help out. Just like I want to be there for others I want people to help me up  when I need it for a change. I am open on NG about how I feel but in real life I keep my depressed side away from people because I lost people because of it. I am afraid for that. I hope in the future I will have people around me still even though I am queer, and am depressed. I want supportive people around me and luckly right now I have that ^^

-What is your strongest personal quality?

To be honest I have no idea. I think I am really stubborn. I have been told I am. I usually stick by my point especially if there is no proof from the other side my point is wrong :p what can be an awesome quality to have but also it can be a pain in the ass but my strongest point I am not sure of at all. You should ask some friends then because I have no clue ^^

-Are you an introvert or extrovert?

I am an introvert. I can be around a lot of people for an amount of time but after I have to be alone because I get drained energy so that is the only down side to that. But I still love to hang out with a lot of friends or going to a disco (I love music so that helps as well)

-Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Yup I have been before. It wasn’t really something hard for me but I will explain. I had a best friend I knew for around 12 years and that is a long time. She has another little brother two years youngher then we both are. Unfortunally the little abused her and I wasn’t about that. The little brother I will call him D was kicking her and hitting her what was not okay. The only person he was afraid of was me and his dad. As well as I was there to hang out with her he came around. So one day the parents where gone and we started to argue. (what we do sometimes) we went from upstairs to down stairs and I think the argument was about that we wanted to be left alone because it became annoying. The adult who was supposed to look after him was just watching and did nothing btw. But my ex best friend stepped inbetween with something in her hand to stop the fighting.

D started to kick and hit her and I wasn’t about it. I also swore a week ago that I would protect my friends if something happened to them so I stepped with a blank stare at him.  Grabbed him by his neck/head and pushed him against the wall while he was kicking and hitting me. I still has his nail marks in my  right arm. I started kinda yelling ‘’are you done?! Are you done?!’’ and after a while saying that in an loud and serious matter he said yes. Of course he still kicked me and hit me while trying to get me off him. He ran upstairs and yelled at me that I was a cancer child and that I should never have been born and some other stuff. I broke down afterwards because I did that and I never had done that before. Also the adult did nothing while this happened and I got all the blame (of course) from the mother but she hated me anyway so I could have expected that. So yah that happened :p

-Have you ever taken a personality test? (How did the results turn out?)

Yup I have twice even. I did one half a year later and I got the same results. My result is INFJ or in words they call it the advocate. You can test yourself here and you can read my result if you want to as well. I also took my test here. https://www.16personalities.com/

-How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

My philosophy is: be nice to everyone because you never know what they have been going through.
I took that philosophy for myself because of my own experience and I want people to atleast have one person who has been nice to them in a day. The world isn’t a nice place and people can have been going trough some shit. I want to atleast give people a smile and a bit of hope. 

 

-If there’s one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?

Yah my hips. That is the only thing. I think they are to big but most say it is just fine but I just have to live with it so you know nothing  you can do about it. (besides sport or surgery and there is not going to be a surgery and I am trying to sport as much as I can)

-What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

Probably like everyone else. I go to the toilet, wash my hands (of course), brush my teeth (and if It is the weekend I play hard music while doing it) , brush my hair and after I make breakfast. Pretty simple if you ask me XD

-What style of clothing do you like to wear the most?

Right now I am experimenting a lot. Most would call me a tomboy but I don’t see myself as a girl anymore. So I experiment with clothes right now. I am wearing a binder with ‘’guy’s ‘’ clothes and sometimes I am more comfortable in a lose t-shirt while walking around. It depends on the day but the things I love wearing are flannels and hoodies. I don’t know why but I just do. I wear them in different ways and they look good on me so that makes me happy ^^

So that was my ‘’little’’ getting to know me better. I hope you learned some new things about me and if you have questions for me feel free to comment and I am happy to answer them. Anyway for the extra I wanted to tell you all this.

As some might have noticed I released my very first audio ^^ I was so excited when I first heard it and I was so glad it turned out super awesome. Of course I can’t have done it alone and I got help from this helpful person named @TheEighthHour he has been super awesome to work with and is super friendly as well. He was the only one to help  me out with the project. The bigger creators wanted money what I didn’t have and turned me down only for that reason from what I know what sucked but I found this awesome person who was willing to help me out. Right now we are working on a second project what will be coming out in the next two months I think (or more not sure yet) but I love working and talking to him and I am so gratefull that he gave me a chance.

Also I wanted to say thank you to @Natcl23 for  scouting me. I latterly never thought I would get scouted and poof he appeared  and scouted me what is so awesome and I really appreaciate that. It made me so happy so wanted to say a masiive thank you to him. As well as I want to thank @JamesHatfeld because he was the first one to step up as voice actor. Unfortunally he isn’t a pro what is a bummer but I still really appreaciate the thought ^^ he is an awesome guy who I love like my close brother so that is awesome ^^

So I am done thanking people and I wanted to thank you all for getting so far because this has been a long read (sorry for that) anyway I hoped you learned something about me and I hope to see everyone around more in the future as well ^^ anyway thanks for reading and here is some music you can enjoy for right now ^^ (just found these songs and I love them all ^^ )

~N

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UA0NJo50Hg0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FBbIbyNKNM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pGQdELEDhI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aa7UTVy2w4M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybxiMNAY35o

(i added some extra music ^^ )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt6wYHa7hgk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0XTB29amW0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4q3Us4-uM8