this will be a very different post than normal but i needed to get it off my chest.you must understand that this
was really realistic for me in the dream and i was really terrified. the feelings of loss, despair, sadness and all the
sad emotions that come to you when you lose someone or yourself forever where there and they where real. i hope
you can understand that this is not a dream where you can know it was just a dream. for me it was like it happend in real life and that makes it even worse. i hope you can show respect for that.
So as some of you know I have been suffering from night terrors for the longest time. Luckly most of my dreams are not to bad ,and I can go trough with my day. Four dreams messed me up though. I realized how messed up my head really was. From when I was a little kid I have been suffering from them and when I got older I suffered more and more of them. It went so far that I went to my biology teacher to ask if I was okay. I saw my friends explode and blood everywhere. (if you are intressted comment and I will tell that dream) I was really scared that something was really wrong with me and the teacher told me it was just a system to help me deal with my problems. I thought that was insane because I saw my friends, or family get murdered or I have to kill them for some reason or I am in a situation where I get almost raped or are in a life threatening situation what is terrifying. Luckly they are dreams but they can mess you up really well.
Last night I had my first really calm but terrifying dream. Most of my dreams are chaos. I need to run or try to save my friends. I need to find a save space while there is no save space but this was not that. So let me start the story.
My dream started with someone I apparently loved. i knew this person really well and I loved them very well. They where not female or male they where non-binary and I loved them so much I would do anything to save them if it came to that. We decided to go swimming in this beautiful ocean. We had planned this for a couple days now and we enjoyed it. Until it went wrong.
So we of course decided to go into the water to go swimming. When we went into the water we became so magical creature. We still had feet and all that but we could stay longer under water. My partner loved this and became a bit reckless and then it went wrong. She cut herself on something and then everything got more blurry for me. I can just remember a lot of blood everywhere and seeing the water turn red while they floated unconcise in the water and me just covered in blood trying deprate to save them.
I wanted to save them and they where losing a lot of blood. I knew apparently how to transfer blood and I almost killed myself with that. Eventually I couldn’t stay focused anymore and I fainted. This is terrifying because I have never fainted before. When I woke up in the dream I was on life support. They where trying to transfer blood over to me because I gave to much away. It was chaos around me and I had a cap over my mouth. Everything was a haze for me because they gave me a lot of medicine to keep the pain away. The chaos seemed not like chaos though. It was all such a haze then it was just moving blurry colors. It was kinda peacefull when I didn’t realize I was on life support.
Hospitals don’t freak me out but I don’t like them at all because of some personal reasons. when it was blurry I fell asleep again because some doctor did some stuff in my (I don’t know what it is called but I just fell asleep) anyway when I woke up I freaked out a little bit. The hospital was really empty and there was no sound or people walking around. I realized what happend or atleast parts of what happened and it scared me so much. I was not afraid to die at all but I was afraid of the pain I would leave behind for my parent and my friends. I was scared that some might never know what happened and thought I abandoned them what was not true. I was afraid I left behind so much beautiful people who I would hurt so much and I never want that. I started to panic and I tried to cut myself lose of all the needles and machines and just wires. I stood up and when I got into the hall way I guess I collapsed and then I woke up for real. I still remember the doctors trying to save me. I don’t remember there faces and I remember trying to get away what was not a smart idea because I was still on life support. I don’t know what the end of the dream is. Mabey I woke up and recovered after months, mabey I died in the hall way and left behind so many friends and family members and mabey I got found on the edge of death. I will never know but when I woke up I was a bit in shock. I was glad I was not in a hospital and I was not on life support but it was a scary experience for sure.
I just want to share my story because I know how terrifying it can be. Dreams or night terrors can give such a realistic feeling that you can be stuck with for weeks or days or months. I want to give people support and let you know that it is okay and if you have terrifying dreams that your not alone and that there are a lot of people wanting to support you.
I hope you enjoyed reading my night terror.
(update: i didn't put in some music when i posted this yesterday but i will now. here are some songs i hope you enjoy them)